Discerning the errors of the Hebrew Roots Movement can be a heavy subject. Let’s lighten things up a bit, shall we? Following is a bit of satire my husband put together several months ago as I was in the thick of researching the HRM. I found the following to be a fun read and thought it appropriate to post here on the heels of “Messin’ With the Word” . . .
The Results Are In!
Great news! The results are in! Feel free to forward this to your mom’s forum friends. Or not.
I’ve been in a bit of a quandary about those pesky Bible verses that just seem to keep popping up. You know the ones. They don’t quite mesh with our world view or our ability to give or receive love. And those verses where they encourage us to confess stuff or accept discipline! Whew! And then there’s that part about the “front” of the book not seeming to line up with the “back” of the book. What is one supposed to do? It causes us to walk around with a dissonance in our hearts that just won’t go away. So, “Huh”, I said to myself, “there must be an answer. Surely my Creator would want me to ‘have life and have it the way that is most comfortable for me.’ I mean, what is right in my eyes never fails me, right?”
We all know how difficult some parts of the Bible can be. So I’ve decided that instead of adapting my life to Scripture, or better still, letting the Holy Spirit lead my life, I’m just going to edit the Word as I see fit. Well . . . therein lies a bigger issue! What sort of marker is appropriate for the job? Well, honey, your Dear Husband is on the job! Did you know that Office Depot stocks TWENTY-FOUR BRANDS of markers?? That’s right! Twenty-four! Woo-hoo!
My initial choice was of course the “Mean Streak.” Seemed fitting. The problem was it comes in yellow and some other completely inappropriate colors. I mean, come on, we’re looking for complete coverage! (On a side note there is something appealing about yellow, for some reason.) [Update: The Mean Streak does now come in black!]
So, to jump right to it… the winner is, after hours and hours of testing (just kidding), the Sanford Sharpie Magnum in Black! This puppy can cover! And with its wide tip I can blot out entire paragraphs of scripture in just a couple of passes. Don’t like the stuff about speaking in tongues? Gone! Can’t seem to reconcile the “women speaking in the congregation” stuff? Blammo! Just can’t stand the Apostle Paul at all? Toasted!!! Best yet, I have seen this thing completely remove from my Bible all the references to the Blood of Jesus and living a life of faith in Him! Pow! Freedom! Who knew it could be so easy? Please keep in mind that this coverage doesn’t come cheap. These bad boys run $3.29 a piece. But guess what, the ink is toxic! Perfect.
For those budget-minded blotters out there the choice-du-jour would of course have to go to the Eberhart Faber 3000 Chisel Point Permanent in Black. Great editing at only $.59 a piece! Be warned – more strokes are needed, but when you’re on a roll what’s a few more passes?
Honorable mention would have to go back to the Sharpie brand with their “Click-It” line of retractable markers. A great little product that allows you to edit almost anywhere. Please be advised that the tip is tiny compared to the winning choices so care will need to be taken to get full coverage.
I hope this has been helpful. I am so excited to know that even though Jesus said that “His burden is light” and we should “take up our cross and follow Him” that with a mere swoosh I can do it the way I want to do it. Yeah! What peace.
One word of caution. These are PERMANENT markers! They seem to work best for some reason. I just marked out some stuff and got carried away – I marked out something about “your sins are forgiven” and now I’m not sure what to do. Oh, well. No worries . . .
Your Dear Husband
Filed under: Belief Sytems, Discernment, Formulas, Grace and Law, Hebraic Roots, Hebrew Roots Movement, Holy Spirit, Humor, Religion, Sacred Name Movement, Teachable/Unteachable | Tagged: Belief Systems, Christianity, Discernment, Grace and Law, Hebraic Roots, Hebrew Roots Movement, Holy Spirit, Humor, Religion, Teachable/Unteachable |