Over the years, I’ve received many emails and private messages from the spouses of Hebrew Roots followers and their stories are amazingly similar. One wife shares her story below. My prayer is that her story will be an encouragement for those who are walking the same path.
-JGIG
A Hebrew Roots Wife Speaks
A few years ago, my husband and I started to feel a stirring in our spirits and a growing discontent with the “status quo” we had experienced for many years in various churches. At that time, we had been very active in our church for 4 years, but as we began seeking the Lord, we felt an 
emotional disconnect happening and believed God was calling us out of our church. Through a series of events, we were drawn to a church about 35 minutes drive from our home. Just as I was settling in comfortably there, my husband decided out of curiosity to visit a “Messianic” congregation close to our home.
After his first visit, he came home all excited about how warm and accepting everyone had been, and said he wanted me to come with him the next week. So the following Friday evening, our whole family went to a meeting, followed by a potluck meal. The people were quite friendly, but it was all so foreign to me and not comfortable. The children did not enjoy it at all. I tried a couple of more times, but something was just feeling like red flags in my spirit. Some of the things I started hearing were very concerning to me.
In the beginning, my husband agreed. Things being taught did not sit right with him either. But he felt a sense of community, and continued to attend. It wasn’t long before he started becoming consumed with reading their materials, attending meetings Friday nights as well as most of the day on Saturdays, and watching DVDs by various Hebrew Roots teachers.
It was about this time that my husband lost his job. By then, he was calling himself a “Messianic Jew” (we are Gentiles), and had filed a request with his company to be excused from working Saturdays due to religious practice. Although there was no solid proof, I have my suspicions that this may have played a part in him being let go. He also began to grow his beard long and full, and started wearing tzi tzis, although for work he would tuck them inside his pants.
Pork and shellfish were out, and he began to scrutinize what I did around the house on Saturdays, as to what was “work” and what was “ok”. He asked me to start preparing our meals on Friday, so that they could just be warmed on Saturdays, and I would not need to cook. Our usual Saturday family time was now spent at home, and if we did go anywhere he wouldn’t spend any money. Stopping for an ice cream cone was now “wrong”.
My husband started becoming very negative towards churches, and I noticed a very judgmental attitude toward members of our previous churches. He no longer wanted to attend church with the children and me. Since he had no job, he would spend day after day watching videos about the Law and end-times prophecies. When I would question what he was doing to find another job, he would say the Lord would open a door at the right time, and that he was feeling blessed with a season of time to study. We were living off his retirement account and savings, and when those gave out, credit cards.
During the first year of his involvement with HRM, I must admit I was totally freaking out! We had numerous arguments as we discussed scripture. I felt like a yoke of slavery was being put around my neck; one that I had not asked for. But for keeping the peace I tried to work within his new “convictions”. I felt like my husband was becoming more of a stranger with every passing day.
He tried to ban Christmas that first year, but when he saw how upset the kids were, he backed down. He said we were free to do whatever, but he would have no part of it. Easter was the same. Many, many “discussions” of scripture would invariably turn to arguing again, to the point that my 11 yr old son asked me if we were going to divorce over the Bible! My teenage daughter had slipped into a deep depression, and started pulling away from God. She said she just didn’t know what to believe anymore, that things she had been raised to believe her whole life, now her father was saying were all wrong.
We eventually stopped going to church, because of so much conflict and me knowing how he felt about “Christian churches”. But after several months, I felt like I was spiritually parched and longed for fellowship again with like-minded believers. One particular Sunday, my husband asked me to go to Home Depot to pick up something he needed. On my way in the car alone, I just began to weep and cried out to the Lord. Another Sunday when I longed to be in church, and here we were, working on a toilet!!
I prayed, asking for direction about church for the kids and me. Ten minutes later, the associate in the plumbing department who was helping me mentioned something about his church. I asked him what church he belonged to and he said the name of the church that I had felt God lead us to at the beginning of all this mess. His experience of the presence of God there was identical to my own. (And incidentally when we first started attending there my husband said he strongly sensed the Holy Spirit.) I knew meeting this man was no fluke, and God had answered my prayer.
I went home and told my husband what happened, and that I intended to start going to church again, and that he was welcome to join us, but if not, the rest of the family would go. He said, “You can go anywhere you want, I know eventually the truth will come.” To that I said “Hallelujah, yes it will!”
After getting established again in this wonderful, spirit-led church, the kids began to stabilize emotionally and I started seeing spiritual fruit developing in their lives. My daughter had a powerful, life-changing experience at summer camp where she was delivered from the depression and her heart was stirred for worship ministry. A week later my son prayed with a youth leader on a mission project, and also had a healing experience.
As I began to FULLY put my hope and trust in God, a major shift occurred.
I no longer felt any need or desire to discuss scripture with my husband. I realized it was not my job to show him the truth. The Holy Spirit is the one who leads into all Truth.
I was also able to let go of trying to control the situation. When my husband would buy another DVD, instead of freaking out, I would just remind myself that God is bigger than any lie, and no matter what he watches or listens to, every lie will be made known. Every conversation my husband would take into another room when an HRM friend would call, I would give it to God and make a decision to let it go. I stopped peeking at his emails, or text messages on his phone.
Once I truly took my hands off and gave my husband’s salvation back to God, my peace skyrocketed, and I began to live above my circumstances.
Sure, there are days every so often,when I still get discouraged, but those days are fewer and farther between. God has also given me a wonderful friend that I can whine to, because she always turns me back around to God’s sufficiency.
Over the next year, my husband worked odd jobs, got hired with a company, and then lost his job again last summer. He eventually went to driving school to become a commercial truck driver. He now travels and is only home about 4-5 days a month. I found it curious, as divided as we are still in our marriage over our differing doctrines, that God would open a door for a job that physically separates us as well. I realize though, that the peace in our home has greatly increased. I really believe God took my husband out of the home to preserve our marriage. I don’t know if we would still be together if we had continued living in constant conflict. He still wants desperately to change me to believe as he believes. But now when he comes home, we don’t waste our precious little time on our differences! We spend it as a family, enjoying being together.
This has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through, but looking back over the last nearly 3 years, I am grateful for having gone through it. I have experience God moving in my life and meeting me in the depths of the pain in ways I would have never known in smooth sailing.
I have learned to let go of every need and expectation of what I thought a husband should be, and have begun to find these things in God alone. God is my constant companion. He is my provision, protector, one true lover of my soul.
It has also challenged me to seek out for myself what the scriptures really say about grace and the law.
I began to question things that I had learned in churches my whole life. And I have come away with a greater understanding that my salvation is in no way purchased or maintained by any doing of my own good works.
Much of what I believed before, was grace+works. That I was saved by the blood of Christ, but then my standing with the Father had everything to do with how good I was….how well I performed all the “dos” and kept from the “don’ts”. When I was disciplined with my Bible study time and prayer, surely God was in heaven smiling down on me. But when I lost my patience with one of the kids, I was on the Holy time-out chair.
My worth in my own eyes was directly tied to believing “do good, get good….do bad, get bad.”
Focusing on our own behavior will always puff us up when we think we’re doing pretty good, or condemn us when we know we’re not.
When I was challenged into digging deeper in the Word, and realized exactly what the finished work of Christ has done for me, I found a deeper level of freedom and joy in the Lord than I have ever known.
God is pleased with me because of Jesus!
And the blessings of Abraham are mine by faith!
I don’t have to earn my right relationship with the Father. It is a done deal, sealed with the Holy Spirit. What freedom – to seek the Father when the fear of punishment or disapproval is gone! Thank you HRM!! Haha
I don’t know why God has allowed this journey for us, but I do know that it has worked for my good. And I have faith that my husband is going to find this same freedom, in the timing and work of the Holy Spirit.
I know my husband was truly seeking for “more” when he stumbled into HRM, and still has a deep hunger for the Lord. I believe many in the HRM are sincerely seeking to go deeper in God, which is a target on their backs for the enemy of their souls, to come and try his best to render them useless to the Kingdom of God.
Those still seeking will eventually come to the truth. Jesus is the Good Shepherd; He will not lose any of his sheep. If your spouse is seeking Truth, s(he) will not find what they are looking for in 
HRM, and they WILL eventually come away empty from it. I take great comfort in this.
In the waiting, I am learning that He truly is all that I need, and He will never leave or forsake His own. Blessings to everyone reading this who is on this same journey.
Hold fast to Jesus! In a little while …
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This account will also appear on the Testimonies Page. Many thanks to the above author for sharing with us her experiences, heart, and God’s faithfulness in her circumstances. I pray for her family as well as the others who are out there affected by the HRM belief system. You are not alone!
If you have a testimony you’d like to share about coming out of the Hebrew Roots Movement (or a variation of the HRM), or a testimony about walking in relationship with someone who is in the HRM, please email me at joyfullygrowingingrace at gmail dot com. From talking to those who have come out of Law-keeping sects, I understand that it can be a difficult thing to write about the experience. Many thanks to those who have taken the time and effort to contribute here.
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Other articles of interest:
- Millennial Prophecy – Measuring Unrevealed Prophecies in Light of Revealed Truths
- Gateways into the Hebrew Roots Movement – An Examination of ‘Identity Crisis’ and Related Teachings of Jim Staley
- The Law of Christ – Defined and Defended
- Tzit Tzit For the Believer In Christ?
- 12 Undeniable Truths That Drive Law ‘Keepers’ Crazy
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If you or someone you know is in the HRM or a related Law-keeping sect and are questioning what you believe, a clear presentation of the Gospel can be found HERE. For more resources regarding the Hebrew Roots/Messianic movements see the Post Index and the Articles Page. General study helps, discernment, and apologetics sites can be found HERE. Good, foundational studies with a special emphasis on Old Covenant/New Covenant Truths can be found HERE. Be sure to check out the other testimonies on the Testimonies Page, as well. Make use of the tabs with drop-down menus found at the top of this site – there’s tons of info there, and it’s very navigable. May God guide and bless you as you seek His Truth.
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Joyfully Growing in Grace 
Reblogged this on Talmidimblogging.
This is the fifth year my husband is involved with law-keeping. Even after I pointed out the heresy that is Lew White (and his head shop) – he still defended his books by saying he only takes what is “good” from them. Oh boy. And he is not the only HRM/Sabbath-keeping author that he follows.
Our house is SO PEACEFUL when he is not home. He carries a cloud of doom and gloom wherever he goes. He focuses on the Illuminati, etc., and it colors his world-view. This doom and gloom spirit also makes him mean when someone questions anything he does. He WILL get back at us (meaning our daughter and I) if he thinks we have offended him. I’m not a patient person, but I have to say that God must have a reason to leave my husband in that pool of lies for such a long time. He’s only 54, but looks as if he is 74 – literally.
Thank you for your testimony – it is yet another reminder that my All in all is Jesus Christ. He is the One Who can (and will) carry this torn-apart family through this time.
And all of this turmoil simply makes me long for the Rapture even more!! Even so, come quickly, Lord Jesus!
She is an inspiration to me too! Testimony to walking in the love and freedom of Christ in a very difficult situation. <3
So Kathy F, you don’t believe in the ILLUMINATI? Or the New World Order (one world government) that is prophesied in the BIBLE that you profess to believe in? It astounds me that so many so called Christians are not aware of what is prophesied in the Scriptures.
I am a born again believer, a child of God, a Gentile Christian, and I do believe we are in the end times which Jesus himself prophesied about. I also believe that Jesus commanded that we obey his commandments, which include keeping the Sabbath and the feast days (which are God’s holy days, not just for Jews). There is quite a misunderstanding on what it means to become “saved” through the blood of Jesus which he offered as a gift for our salvation, and it is quite another to FOLLOW Him and obey His commandments. You are saved by grace and will go to Heaven, BUT if you don’t follow His commandments (which include keeping the Sabbath and feast days AS HE DID HIMSELF), then we will be called the “least in His Kingdom.”
Matthew 5:18-20
Jesus Fulfills the Law
…18″For truly I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or stroke shall pass from the Law until all is accomplished. 19″Whoever then annuls one of the least of these commandments, and teaches others to do the same, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever keeps and teaches them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven. 20″For I say to you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.
Jeannine, the Bible doesn’t prophesy an Iluminati or a New World Order – those things are how some Christians interpret the Scriptures. And Christ NEVER tells us to focus on conspiracies, real or imagined. Jesus told us that when we see certain things to not be afraid; that our Redemption draws near. He didn’t say to get it all figured out and go and retreat to some bunker somewhere; He calls us to love God, love others and make disciples.
You listed a set of your beliefs based on your interpretation of Scripture, which you are certainly entitled to, and then proceeded to tell us what you’re doing – your performance of the Law – quoting about how no jots or tittles have passed (yet you and the readers all know you’re not keeping all those jots and tittles), insinuating that those who don’t do what you’re doing will be the ‘least in the kingdom’ by cherry-picking Scripture.
It’s a farce.
You’re self-righteously holding others to a standard that you yourself are not keeping.
More than that, GOD is not holding those who are in Christ to the Old Covenant standard. In Christ we have died to the Law, are severed from the Law, and Christ is the end of the Law for righteousness for all who believe (see Released/Delivered From the Law and Christ is the End of the Law – Getting Greeky About Romans 7, 10, and Ephesians 2 ).
I’ll leave Kathy to respond if she sees this and sees fit to do so, but I just wanted to put in my .02.
One more thing, Jeannine, treat Kathy with more respect than you have in your comment above. She’s been through the ringer and deserves tender lovingkindness. Be nice, or your comments won’t be approved here.
Grace and peace to you,
-JGIG
A one world government is NOT a “conspiracy.” You haven’t read the scripture about the mark of the beast that everyone will be forced to take, or they won’t be able to buy or sell? (Rev 13:16-17) And I never said that we are supposed to go hide in a bunker, but we are supposed to warn those who are unaware that judgement is coming.
“It’s a farce. You’re self-righteously holding others to a standard that you yourself are not keeping.”
And I would ask you just how you would know this? I know the commandments that Jesus wants us to follow, and it is your personal choice if you wish to follow them or not. Your salvation is not dependent on them, but you won’t receive the same blessings in Heaven that others will who did. I gave you scripture from Jesus’ own words, and you call it a farce? I have now come to the conclusion that this like many other sites are not holding themselves accountable to God’s Word, but more of a pie in the sky for claiming belief in someone who they refuse to follow in their every day lives.
Grace is a GIFT that when abused can easily be taken back.
May God open you and others’ eyes before He returns for His Own.
And everything I have said is in love, not with disrespect as you accuse me of.
In Christ We Live,
Jeannine
Again, the Rev. 13 passage is subject to interpretation – you have embraced but one interpretation. You say that we are to warn people of the judgement that is coming; Jesus told us to tell them the Good News – to bring the Gospel to all tongues and tribes and to make disciples. Do you not see the difference? Your message is ‘turn or burn’; Jesus’ message is ‘Believe and be saved’ (Jn. 3:16-17, 6:28-29). Then Jesus begins to do His Work in our lives, making us more and more a reflection of Him (Gal. 5).
I wrote, “It’s a farce. You’re self-righteously holding others to a standard that you yourself are not keeping.”
You wrote, “And I would ask you just how you would know this?”
Well, unless you’re God, you aren’t keeping the commandments. No human but God in the flesh, the Messiah, has ever kept the commandments. That’s how I know.
You wrote, “I know the commandments that Jesus wants us to follow, and it is your personal choice if you wish to follow them or not. Your salvation is not dependent on them, but you won’t receive the same blessings in Heaven that others will who did. I gave you scripture from Jesus’ own words, and you call it a farce? I have now come to the conclusion that this like many other sites are not holding themselves accountable to God’s Word, but more of a pie in the sky for claiming belief in someone who they refuse to follow in their every day lives.”
New Covenant Scriptures stand against what you’re saying here. It’s not through commandment-keeping that blessings come, but through faith in Christ:
10 For all who rely on works of the law are under a curse; for it is written, “Cursed be everyone who does not abide by all things written in the Book of the Law, and do them.” 11 Now it is evident that no one is justified before God by the law, for “The righteous shall live by faith.” 12 But the law is not of faith, rather “The one who does them shall live by them.” 13 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us—for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree”— 14 so that in Christ Jesus the blessing of Abraham might come to the Gentiles, so that we might receive the promised Spirit through faith. (from Gal. 3)
You wrote, “Grace is a GIFT that when abused can easily be taken back.”
Really? Give us Scripture to back up that notion, please. You might take a look at Galatians 5:4 to see what does cause folks to ‘fall from Grace’ . . .
Grace and peace to you,
-JGIG
Hi, Jeannine! I’ve heard those same reasons (and more!) over and over from my husband when he is hotly defending those same erroneous beliefs. He, too, becomes highly defensive when he is questioned about what he believes. But I wasn’t questioning your beliefs. I was simply making a comment about a tiny portion of the devastation and hurt that has destroyed this family. And where did I say anything about what I believe, or don’t believe? That said, I am acutely aware of what is going on in this fallen world, and I am acutely aware of just how close we are to the end of this age, and I am acutely aware of the evil that is running rampant in this world. I am also extremely familiar with end times prophecy according to the Holy Bible. However, I choose not to focus on all of the negative in this world, because we are advised to think on things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report, and that if there is any virtue or praise in these things, to think on them (Phil. 4:8).
I can be aware of the happenings around me without putting myself under bondage to them by worrying about them. Worrying changes nothing (Matt. 6:27 and 6:34). I choose to focus on Jesus – He is my Sabbath rest. His yoke IS easy and His burden IS light. And every day I pray that THIS is the day I will get to see Him face to face!
P.S. And thanks, JGIG! You put into words what I was thinking. :)
Thank you for sharing so honestly your experience. I found the change you described in your husband to be very interesting albeit very sad. I was raised keeping the seventh-day as the Sabbath although I would not call myself a Messianic Jew. I do not hold the same beliefs they do. That said, the ONE thing we all owe others is Religious Liberty!! From my experience, the more conservative one’s views, the more judgmental they tend to be of others. Very, very sad how this seems to almost always be the case.
Hi, I was wondering if someone could answer two questions for me:
1. If no one but God has kept the law then how do Cornelius (acts 10) Joseph of Arimathea (Luke 23) and many others qualify as righteous?
2. What do you do with Matthew 5:18-20? Especially 19; “But whoever keeps and teaches these commands will be great in the kingdom”?
Jeannine, I’m terribly sorry for the difficulties you have experienced. I have seen so many judgmental and unloving people in my life, so many that I nearly walked away from the faith altogether. The thing is, most of them were in the mainstream church.
1. Those who practiced the Law under the Law were righteous according to the Law. Until their next sin. Then it was repent, sacrifice, rinse and repeat as necessary. The sacrifices in the Law covered sin; Christ and His Perfect, Once-for-all Sacrifice takes away the sins of the world.
2. Jesus was preaching the Law to those born under the Law. Which side of the Cross do you live on?
Okay, what about Romans 2:13 “For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in Gods sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous.” ?
Right. Obedience to the Law based on the Law as it was given, yes?
Exodus 23:13
13 “Be careful to do everything I have said to you.
Deuteronomy 5:28-33
28 The Lord heard you when you spoke to me and the Lord said to me, “I have heard what this people said to you. Everything they said was good. 29 Oh, that their hearts would be inclined to fear me and keep all my commands always, so that it might go well with them and their children forever!
30 “Go, tell them to return to their tents. 31 But you stay here with me so that I may give you all the commands, decrees and laws you are to teach them to follow in the land I am giving them to possess.”
32 So be careful to do what the Lord your God has commanded you; do not turn aside to the right or to the left. 33 Walk in all the way that the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live and prosper and prolong your days in the land that you will possess.
Deuteronomy 8:1
Be careful to follow every command I am giving you today, so that you may live and increase and may enter and possess the land that the Lord promised on oath to your forefathers.
Deuteronomy 12:27-28
27 Present your burnt offerings on the altar of the Lord your God, both the meat and the blood. The blood of your sacrifices must be poured beside the altar of the Lord your God, but you may eat the meat. 28 Be careful to obey all these regulations I am giving you, so that it may always go well with you and your children after you, because you will be doing what is good and right in the eyes of the Lord your God.
Jeremiah 7:21-26
21 “‘This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says: Go ahead, add your burnt offerings to your other sacrifices and eat the meat yourselves! 22 For when I brought your forefathers out of Egypt and spoke to them, I did not just give them commands about burnt offerings and sacrifices, 23 but I gave them this command: Obey me, and I will be your God and you will be my people. Walk in all the ways I command you, that it may go well with you. 24 But they did not listen or pay attention; instead, they followed the stubborn inclinations of their evil hearts. They went backward and not forward. 25 From the time your forefathers left Egypt until now, day after day, again and again I sent you my servants the prophets. 26 But they did not listen to me or pay attention. They were stiff-necked and did more evil than their forefathers.’
Joshua 1:6-9
6 “Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. 7 Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. 8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. 9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
_______________________________
So what’s the standard for obedience to the Law according to the Law-giver?
100% obedience; 100% of the time.
Then you will be declared righteous via the Law.
What you’re missing is that the letter to the Romans lays out our
>>> need <<< for the Gospel for Jews and Gentiles alike, the
>>> supply <<< of the Gospel for Jews and Gentiles alike, and the
>>> results <<< of the Gospel for Jews and Gentiles alike.
You can read more about Romans 2:13 here: Hebrew Roots Movement – Man’s Righteousness or God’s Righteousness?
And you may find this article interesting, as well: Jesus’ Gospel? Paul’s Gospel?
Grace and peace to you,
-JGIG
It’s Friday night and I again find myself alone and my husband across town with his messianic group. It feels as if they have adopted my poor husband without a spiritual family to join theirs However, this adoption has left me alone for most weekends and some week nights. I don’t mean to be needy, but this is becoming a real emotional problem for me. Now, he wants to invite the messianic friends to our house. Great, what’s worse than being left alone? Having a house full of these people whom I have grown to despise. I want to be a good and loving wife, but I am struggling with extreme feelings of disgust and resentment. I do not want to clean my house in preparation even though it needs it. How can I get the man I married back? We’ve been married almost 5 years and I honestly have trouble envisioning another 5 let alone 1. I can’t believe I’m putting my feelings into words. Words that may or may not be read by strangers. Tears are falling as I read the words that have been on my heart. I am not physically abused, or cheated on, yet how to I feel so betrayed? Truth is, I would not have married him had he been this way when we met. How can I live with this decision when so much has changed? Any kind thoughts or experiences with this are more than welcome.
Hello, ‘A’,
I’m so sorry you’re heart is aching over this. Believers like you are my heroes – you are on the front lines walking out your faith in very difficult circumstances. Unfortunately you are not alone; I’ve been contacted by many spouses going through the same thing. Some married for a short time, some married for decades. It is easy for none of them.
The ‘adoption’ of your husband by his Messianic group is also known as ‘love bombing’, a common tactic used by sects and cults to draw in new members. I have no advice for you except to love your husband well (and I know that is not easy right now), keep pointing him to Who Jesus is, what He came to do, what that actually accomplished, and who you as believers are in Christ. Pray pray pray and leave the results to God. Understand that if meetings do come to your home, you will be ‘love bombed’, too. Unless and until you consistently stand against what they’re teaching. Then your life will become even more difficult, I’m sorry to say.
At the risk of sounding trite (as I fear anything would after your heartfelt post), please do know in your deepest heart that God WILL walk through this with you. Fling yourself into His Arms; rest in His Truths; cry out to Him every time you need to – He is faithful to walk through this with you, no matter how your husband chooses to walk out his relationships with you and with God.
Please make use of the many resources here at JGIG to help to build you up in your faith and who you are in Christ. I also encourage you that if you are not in a healthy local body of believers – please please please find a place where you can grow and find healthy fellowship and support.
Prayers lifted for you and your husband, dear one.
Much love in Christ,
-JGIG
Thank you for your kind response. I take life one day at a time, since it is so hard to look at the future in my case. “One more day, one more day” and then before I know it, a couple weeks go by. I’m coping more than I am living really, struggling to get out of bed each day knowing of the opportunity each day has to watch this transformation worsen. 4 days ago he started to wear the tzitits, and thus, dropping another bomb on our relationship. He even wears them on his suits when he goes to work, which is in sales. He was so proud of the argument that developed between him and a Baptist while visiting a potential customer. Wow. Looks like I need to be prepared for his eventual loss of employment. “One day at a time…”
He has made it clear to me that his relationship with God is more important than his relationship with me. I agree that God is most important, however I believe there still needs to be a place for me in this marriage! *sigh*
I am really struggling with respecting and honoring him in my heart as at this point I can hardly stand to be seen with him in public. So one can understand that this is having a direct effect on how attracted I am to him physically, which is very little.
He used to love country music etc, and now all he plays in our house is Hebrew jazz/pop music. Makes me want to vomit. Thank you again for your encouraging website and for your time in reading this.
Hi ‘A’ … although my husband does not go to Messianic groups, congregation or meetings, I do know the “lonely” feeling (more spiritually than physically). As mentioned in the story shared above, my husband and I, too, have gotten into some heated debates and arguments over Scripture and doctrines, as he has changed over the last year or so… (we’ve been married for 3- going on 4 years now), and because we got engaged and married within 6 months of meeting, we did not give ourselves much time to get to know each other (he had been a Christian for about 6-8 years prior to us meeting, and I had just fully given my heart and life to Christ 4 months prior to he and I meeting, so needless to say, I was very much a baby in Christ)… here it is almost 4 years later since I accepted Christ, and I’m still an infant in my faith and walk with Our Lord. “Getting used to” the change over the last year has not been easy, I often have emotional meltdowns whether it be going to one of my nieces or nephew’s birthday parties on a Saturday, or while my dad was recently laid up in the hospital after having a massive heart attack and open heart surgery, in which we had to return back home early from our anniversary celebration, and my husband stayed home to “observe the Sabbath” instead of going with me for moral support. All this to say, you are not alone, and I, too, wonder if we had gotten married if he was this way when we first met (more than likely not – as I think he barely wanted anything to do with me in the beginning, being a new believer). All I know is that we have to trust God in ALL things, with our own faith and the faith of our loved ones. It’s not easy loving, serving and respecting our husband’s in this season (for however long it lasts, or in whatever time we are given), but I would challenge you to pray for God to reveal Himself to you and seek Him fully, rather than focusing on “changing” your husband back to what he used to be like when you first met. Easier said than done, trust me, I know the struggle is real (including depression, which is sometimes intensified by the “doom and gloom” that lingers). All in all, follow Jesus and love as Jesus did. Blessings, Grace and Shalom (Peace) to you. ~Nikki
I am so very grateful to have found this site. After reading everyone’s stories, I feel that this HRM is something that Satan has devised to break up Christian marriages and families. My husband spends alot of time watching New2Torah and 119 Ministry YouTube videos. Something about these videos do not sit well with me. I’ve looked them up on Facebook and the more I saw how they interacted with anyone who disputes their word, the more I was turned off by them. For a group of people who don’t like wordly things and want to be apart from the rest of the world, they sure do spend alot of time on social media. Kinda hypocritical if you ask me. Anyway, I’m in the same boat as you all and I’m looking for ways to bring my husband to how things used to be. He is starting to feel like a stranger to me. I feel like I’m in a losing battle because ultimately he will do what he feels will please God the most. I always thought God was there to help keep a marriage united. Why do I feel so divided?
MY dear friend, how I can relate to you! I have been married to a man that was a Pastor for 16 years, has a Master’s degree in Biblical studies and knows the Bible. He too has been deceived and my heart is broken. I am also feeling so alone as he ventures off to his studies. We have been married 28 years years and have 6 children, two still at home that are 15 and 17, but I am so afraid of being seriously alone very soon. I would love to be in touch with you on a more personal level to encourage and pray with you by phone. If you wish to contact me, via text, please do so. [Phone # removed to protect your privacy – If you both email me and desire to connect, I’ll be happy to put you in touch with each other privately =).]
These comments make me feel so sad. I guess many would call me a HRM follower, but I claim to be a follower of my Messiah Yeshua (Jesus), I simply read the Bible and do the best to serve and honor my Heavenly Father, not so I can “win” my salvation, but simply out of obedience and love for my Father. In the HRM we are well aware of those people that we call “Torah Terrorists” they run around very judgmentally, telling you what you can and cannot do. When and how this Feast day or that Holy day should be observed, what to call our Heavenly Father, how to tie your Tzitzits and the list goes on and on. They tell their “non-believing” spouses that they must comply with what they’ve (recently) learned. And all in all they’re very divisive. Yet this is not what we really are. HRM is not a “religion” or “denomination” per say, so you can’t judge one HRM follower based on the actions or beliefs of another. And the same applies to Christians, you cannot judge one Christian based on the actions or beliefs of another.
It makes me very sad that several husbands/wives are suddenly deciding “hey I’m going to be a HRM follower” then subsequently dividing the whole family up, it shouldn’t be a divisive matter. One shouldn’t get a divorce over something as silly as and Easter egg hunt or whether or not pork should be eaten or not. We should be seeking our Heavenly Father and how to live in such a way that honors Him.
Blessings and Love in our Messiah Yeshua (Jesus).
I just finished reading all of the comments on this website and I am in tears. I found wives who are experiencing the same thing I am. What a relief! I thought I was the only one going crazy!
My husband left the church 4 years ago and started down this HRM road. It has caused so much pain and judgement to me and to our adult children. Our family has been broken up and I am confused and hurting. I recently stepped down from my leadership role in the church we both attended for many years. I could no longer do what the Lord called me to do because of all the constant judgments and arguments we have had over “the truth”. i am a broken women. I am so lonely and “beaten down” because I do not agree with his interpretation the word. I am stepping down and out of any churches because I do not want to hear my husbands judgments of how the western churches are being “deceived”. This just does not feel how believers should act. We are so far apart I have very little hope for the future. I’m tired and so wounded by the man I married. I am holding on to Jesus my Savior and trying to find peace.
Oh Terry, I’m so sorry to hear this. Also so sorry so long to post this – crazy busy season for our family right now.
Please don’t isolate yourself from fellowship with other believers. If you are or have been part of a healthy body of believers – lean on them – let them love you well and be an encouragement and support for you during this time. I know from talking with other HRM wives (who don’t acquiesce to their spouse’s views) that being built up in who they are in Christ is key to their peace and everyday walk in their circumstances. Please make use of the resources here at JGIG on the Media Page – lots and lots of good teaching on who we are in Christ there and lots of encouragement and refreshment there =).
My prayers go out for you and other spouses who are walking this most difficult path.
Grace and peace to you,
-JGIG
Hi Terry, I too have recently had a family hardship and having to explain why we weren’t at Christmas this year. My mom takes it very hard, and my sister, whereas my Dad (and possibly my brother) do not take it as such. As I told my mom, it has not been easy for me the last couple of years … going through leaving the church my husband and I got married in, because I was tired of hearing the judgmental, criticizing comments and felt “guilty by association” if I continued hanging out with “those” people; I never thought my marriage or my path would end up like this, it is not what I imagined, hoped, or expected (per se). I pray eventually that my husband won’t be so “strict, stern, judgmental” and will calm down his ways… all in due time, I suppose. I too feel broken and beaten down, hurt and confused as well. It’s been EXTREMELY hard for me, so no… you are not alone!
I agree with the comments below! Do not step away from the fellowship you so desperately need. Stay close to Jesus. He is your refuge and your strength!
OMgoodness. This is my story exactly. I was reading my life. Exactly the same… Exactly. I’m holding on but don’t know how much longer I can. I have always been a faithful person and now I feel like I’m losing my faith. I praise the Lord everyday. I cry out to the Lord everyday to restore my love that I had for my husband. He’s even changing my son. My son is now very judgmental and I feel alone. My daughter well she’s depressed and never wants to be home. We were perfectly fine before- Attending church and trying to be good parents with good values but this has really changed everything. I dont feel happy. I feel disconnected. Still faithful.
Know that God is faithful no matter what and even in the midst of the yuk, He walks every step of the way with you. Lifting your family in prayer now.
May God’s grace and peace envelop you,
-JGIG
Hi, is this blog still ongoing? I would love to communicate with others who have friends caught up in HRM. Christie
Hi Christie,
Yes, and no . . . The past four years have been crazy busy for our family. We now have a brain and spine cancer survivor in our family (treated successfully at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital – they’re awesome!), keeping us very, very busy for over a year. Then we moved 900 miles, which took about 2 years, lol. Things are beginning to settle down, now, though our children are getting older and my homeschooling duties are increasing, so still little time for JGIG.
I hope to ease back into writing some here in the next several months. There are a few more key articles I’d like to post to round out the resources here for believers who are exposed to the HRM and for those in the HRM who may be willing to take a closer look at what they believe. It won’t be for a while, though. Still feel like we’re catching our breath a bit after pediatric cancer and its aftermath, and we have lots to do in our new, old, 1817 farm house!
Please make use of the Media, Index, and Articles tabs at the top of this site – there are lots of resources there! Remember, you don’t have to have the HRM all figured out – just have a good grasp on Christ and Who He is, what He came to do, What that actually accomplished, and Who you are in Him \o/.
False things tend to become very clear and fall away in light of those simple truths.
Grace and peace,
-JGIG
Jeanine, I am so sorry to hear about all you have had going on in your life!! Thank you for keeping this post open! How several of us need to know we are not alone in this spiritual battle. Just a quick request: could you change my recent post and this one to reflect my name as Cara Mook (not Moom) please? 😃 Thanks! [Done, Cara, you’re welcome! -JGIG]
Ladies, I am with you… Lo, Christ is with you too. Just wanted to say my husband of 17 years just left me, for the HRM. I was shocked, hurt and angry. We had tried to convert each other.. We had arguments, I was very adamant that I had the truth and he was too. We tried visiting each other’s church, but apparently, lo and behold, one day he was waiting for me and sprung the news when I returned home from a music lesson, that he wanted a separation. I was devastated but thought it was just a separation. There was a condition on that separation: that I would choose to convert to HRM or else he would divorce me. Like you all, there were some strange personality changes that overtook him in the last several months of the 7 years he has been in it. God bless you all. Life is hard trying to get used to being single but I count it an honor to suffer for the sake of the Gospel! So good to have your thoughts and prayers, too. Blessings!
Saved and Satisfied
Hello Everyone! My name is Ashlee and I have left previous comments as “A”. A special hello to Sharon Chapman. I wanted to update and say that my HRM husband finally left me in April 2018. Divorce was final in September and I’m now free to enjoy life without this horrible fog holding me back. It still hurt tremendously, but the healing starts on day 1. No one wants to lose a leg to gangrene, but it’s better to be without a leg than to die. Oddly enough, this is somewhat in line with Matthew 5:30. Good luck to everyone. I’m happy to no longer be trapped in an emotionally abusive HRM marriage. One final scripture, 1 Corinthians 7:15. Love to you all.
Dear Sharon,
My heart is deeply grieved for you!! I can only imagine how much your heart is aching but trust that you ARE finding HOPE in Jesus!! I I too am caught in a grievous situation with my husband of 30 years, who has been deceived by this deceitful CULT which I truly believe it to be. I have been facing this unbearable reality for the last two years and still have to slap myself at times to believe I am actually not having a nightmare. Still trying to figure out how what God wants from me in the midst of this spiritual battle and pray that he will give me the wisdom to win over the enemy. I will keep you in my prayers. Please do the same. “ May the Lord bless you and keep you, may He cause His face to shine upon you and give you peace!” In Jesus’ Love, Cara Mook
Thank you ladies, and Cara! I pray God is richly blessing you for the stand you take with regard to false teaching with your husbands. I just wanted to say that when i told my counselor about this, he said it never fails that when someone gets caught up in a false teaching, they start making moral compromises one by one. Well, now that the divorce is finalized (Aug), I am now 5 months into the divorce and have just learned what the ex is doing… He met someone from another country, 2/3 my age, never married, no kids and is moving up north to be with her and marry her in the summer. He met her during the FOT or FOUB (feast of tabernacles or feast of unleavened bread) He is changing his religion AGAIN, and becoming 7th Day Adventist. And…… get this: He is thinking about celebrating Christmas !!! All the things/beliefs he said he would never be involved with. He met her while we were still married and dated her! So, you can see what I mean by moral compromises. He said he would never be with a younger woman etc… Every one of those statements especially the Christmas one, really shocked me. I wonder if this was his intent to hurt and take revenge on me.. Anyway, I have had enough and have no way of contacting him by the traditional means, as he is avoiding me and blocking my mail, etc.I want him to leave my family alone. He is trying to get my daughter and mother to side with him and invites them to the wedding! So, I cannot give advice, ladies, but since God deals with lies and sin of false teaching very strongly, I only wish it were I who left him first. Perhaps it might have brought him around, I don’t know. I cannot give advice.I will continue to pray for each person affected by this HRM or any o ther false teaching as it just gets worse the more the enemy sinks his fangs into our loved one… Blessings!
I’m glad that this blog still exists and all the available resources to refer back to after all these years! I’ve received comment updates and “A” I can’t believe that you’re divorced now! I feel like I’m to my breaking point with my husband and yet am so afraid of what’ll happen or how he would react, I don’t even dare want to utter the words… you see, we now have a baby (going on 9 months), and though for the most part, HRM related conversations have subsided, I still feel emotionally abused, like a caged bird, not able to hope and dream or have goals for the future, because I’m not being supported, when all I’ve done is be supportive of him and his beliefs. I still feel alone, beat down and broken!
There should never be fear in a marriage. Love, respect, honestly, affection. I’ve been divorced now for 5 years. What an amazing life I have had since cutting this toxic tumor of a man and his HRM from my life. I barely even think about it anymore. I still carry some scars, one of which is a general dislike for overtly religious men. I will never have a man, husband or whatever, tell me what is or isn’t correct to believe. So in a way, my ability to have a spiritually based family is irretrievably broken. I can live with this, as faith to me is extremely personal. I’ve grown so much being single and have made strides in my career, friendships, life experiences etc. This year I have finally found my new life partner. A wonderful man who wants a partner, not a brainwashed slave. Like I mentioned before, years ago, you have to make a sacrifice and cut off a limb so to speak in order to survive and begin again. But I tell you whole heartedly from the other side of healing that it does get better, and the sooner you take control and stop letting things happen to you, the sooner all of this will become a distant memory. Be strong
-Ashlee
My very own friend wrote that article. How good it is and how much it has given encouragement to many many people! God bless you all as you let God heal your scars and life, and you pursue for things that are in the full liberty wherewith Christ has made us FREE! Amen. God bless…………. Sharon